The Deck® Weekend Stats

Sorry, I'm late. Before we get into the madness, I want to say thank you to all that showed up to Deck®. It could not have been more successful. It was everything we wanted it to be and about a closet-full more. So without further Freddy Adu, here are the vitals on this last weekend.

Amount of Ghetto Bubbly done in: 2 kegs, 5 thirty packs
Approx. time first keg tapped: 8:00pm
Approx. time first keg cashed: 10:00pm
Approx. time second keg cashed: 12:00am
Approx. attendance: 150
definition of Approx: approximate
Visits from law enforcement: 1
Cases of mistaken identity resulting in "closet action": 1
Violent vomitting attacks: 2
furniture destroyed: 1 deck chair, 1 tailgate chair
Stuntman Stunts: 2
distance of keg toss: Approx. 10 yards
Names I won't remember: 30
Approx. time of Deck® conclusion: 6:00am
Estimated time of clean up: 45 min.
RSVP no shows: 3
Hot tub usage: 0
Complaints from neighbors: 0
One Word: Success

What can you say about a party in which a white Jay-Z makes an appearance, people in the closet Teen Wolf style, no static from the police, even our new neighbors said they enjoyed watching us from their porch and didn't hear a peep out of us when they went to bed. Which is amazing because the party didn't end until 6:00am. There were countless showings of Poo Dollar and The Shanks Wall Banger and Jager Bombs galore. Jeremy Wallace evened showed up sporting a fit body, mind, and girlfriend. Listen, if you missed it, that sucks because it was a hell of an event. The North End™ Nation was in full effect and surprising well beahaved. The next morning, I was amazed to find that everyone threw away their trash and there was minimal clean-up. The House of Julio® ended the weekend poolside at Underwood's grotto and concluded with steaks, Entourage, and Ali G. All in all, it was awesome. Thanks again to the Nation. Again, if you missed it the next gathering is at Lucky's Brewgrille on the 27th for the Pitch Weekly Street Team. More details to come, but for now, Respekt, BO!

cheers.

Any Last Words?

Has anyone out there Googled a phrase like "ape pasties" or "dog tits"? By Googling, I mean going to Google.com and doing a search for those terms or your name or a friend's name. I do it every once in a while to find pictures of my friends for The North End™ or to make sure that if I ever have kids that it isn't illegal for my friends to be near them. So, I'm at work talking to a colleague about the cast of "Tuesday Night Dollar Pitchers" and I am explaining to him that David Hart looks exactly like Marky Mark minus being "all cut n' shit." To prove it, I was hoping to find a picture of our fair David. I was thinking that we'd find a picture on the registered sex offender datdbase or somethig like it. What I found shocked me. Below is screen grab of one of the search results returned by Google.com.

This image is not doctored at all. In fact, click here and look for yourself. And if you still don't believe me, go to Google.com. and type in: "david hart" chemical kansas. I found this towards the bottom, you might find it there, too. I didn't click the link because I'm at work and not sure if I would click it if I were by myself (okay, maybe). If anyone is brave enough to venture to that site, feel free to post what you find. Now, Hart before you get all crazy, no one is accusing you of gay travel and chemical dependancies, at least not recently. Okay, not today. This just proves that a simple search engine can be a lot of fun.

Tomorrow is Saturday, August 14th. I'm not going to harp about the party or anything. I just wanted to say be safe and have a good time. We have people coming from all around the midwest to represent the Nation. St. Louis, Chicago, Manhattan, Topeka, Lawrence, Witchita, Denver, Omaha, all will be represented at Deck® presented by The North End™. All of you have safe travels and I'll holla at you tomorrow. For those of you that can't make it, we'll miss ya and I'm sure you'll hear all about it right here on Monday.

werd up, until next time.

Ladies and Gentlemen......

I have a couple things I want to drop before this hellish day is over.
First, I'M FAMOUS, MUTHAFUCKA!!!!! (lower left)


Back here in reality, I have no idea how this happened. They never tell me shit at Lucky's. It turns out that I find out what events are going on by reading the Pitch. That's how I discovered this gem. For a real treat click on the link labeled Lucky's Brewgrille and it actually lists me as an event. Me. An event. Now that is a trip. I didn't realize that my DJing could actually be considered an event. I didn't realize that anyone was even paying attention. Anyway, here's the deal. There are some of you out there that talk shit on Lucky's and well..... sometimes you have a point. But, this could be something. I'm saying we should exploit the shit out of this. We have the deck party this weekend which is great, but I'm thinking that our next The North End™ gathering should be at Lucky's on Friday August, 27th. But this time, The Nation should go public. I'll wrap my brain around this and see what it shits out, but this could fun. I'll make it official by saying The North End™ Nation should come out and represent on Friday, August 27th at Lucky Brewgrille. You never know, you might get a drink out of me.

Snap back to the present and we have some business take care of now. One day left until the event of summer creeps into your liver and in some cases, ass. Deck® drops this Saturday. Two kegs and whatever else you track in. The North End™'s single parent company, Famous Industries, is considering documenting the impending shinannys of the Deck® party and releasing them on DVD. Early buzz says that the DVD will feature highlights of the party in 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround Sound. Subtitles in Spanish, Dutch, and Choad. And a metric shit ton of bonus features including Poo Dollar, Poo Dollar 2: The Reckoning, Poo Dollar 3: Citizens on Patrol, and a touching coming of age indie classic, "DShanks Passes Out." Now, I'm sure a lot of you think that this is bullshit. I know it sounds a lot like bullshit, but it's absolutely true. There are several factors involved in whether or not this will happen, but one thing that will help speed up the process is you. Contact me by either posting a comment or e-mailing saying you would very much enjoy a copy of the Deck® DVD. You're not commiting to anything, I'm just trying to get a show of hands to determine whether or not this DVD is a limited edition type thing or a Finding Nemo thing or no-thing. Those guys at Famous® can be real pricks.

Until Tomorrow.

BREAKING NEWS:

Three more actors have signed on to be in "Tuesday Night Dollar Pitchers":

Marky Mark as David Hart
Rocky Dennis as Jared Anderson
Curtis Armstrong as Nick Agderian


More news as it rolls in.

K-State goes Hollywood.... Sort of.

Last weekend I was at the local cinema watching the trailers before The Village. Everything was going on as usual until one trailer caught my eye. It opened like any other trailer, the distributor's logo animation hit the screen, then something crazy happened. It was a moving shot in first person perspective driving down Poyntz towards Manhattan Town Center. I thought it was an ad for K-State football until the words "Based on a true story" hit the screen. Then Billy Bob Tornton showed up and fucked the whole thing. Turns out it was a preview for a movie called Friday Night Lights. The movie is about a high school football team from Odessa, TX. Which, as I'm sure you have guessed, has dick to do with K-State. Didn't we get some stud from Odessa? Okay, in the last five years? Okay, ten? Ever? T Dub, can you answer this? Antway, if you haven't seen it, look for yourself, HERE. It's great that Manhattan is hitting the big screen and all, but it kind of steals the thunder from my movie that is currently in the pre-production phase. It's called "Tuesday Night Dollar Pitchers." It's a touching story about a bunch of drunk guys, a bunch of drunk underage girls, twenty bucks, twenty pitchers, horrible IDs, a kick-ass DJ, and Cowboy Don. Barwig and the angry inch shits his pants, hilarity ensues. That's it. All we need is funding and it's on.
This is the cast so far:
Eddie Izzard as Don Barwig
Gerardo as Julio Guerrero
Luiz Guzman as Jimmy Lopez
Borat Sagdiyev as Luke Trotta
Steven Segal as Nick Guerrero

Hollywood's finest are clamouring to get involved, but no studio will fund it. Oh well.

Hello, this is Six Head, how can I help you?

It's amazing to me that Miiiiiiisterrr Anderson's company could find a head set big enough to mount on his head. I'm guessing the city of St. Louis is going to be pissed when they find out that Miracle Masters stole the top of the arch just so Anderson could answer calls hands-free.

Best caption for this picture wins a special prize.

Things going bump in the night part Deux

Weekend Stats has been postponed due to the fact that only two noteworthy things happened. 1) The Stuntman, playing as the Virginia Cavaliers and I as the Florida Gators, battled again. It came down to the final seconds in which the score was 24-21 Cavs. Jonny Stunts decided to be a DICK and throw to the endzone with no time remaining to try and run the score up on me. It was intercepted in the endzone with NO ONE in front of me except for one guy on the five yard line. Yeah, that guy tackled me. I lost. 2) The only other noteworthy thing that happened this weekend I am not at liberty to discuss. I will say that I am scared to ever listen to Perfect Circle again. Not at night at least.

Let my Tigger go.

No justice, no peace. I know that I for one was down to riot if my man, Tigger, was convicted. Shame, really becasue I wanted a new TV. T.I.G.G.A.Z. 4 LIFE.

I want to thank everyone for their concern of my social life by continuously sending images like this:

Funny like ha ha? More funny like fuck off. By the way, nice Photoshop job on this pic. I think whoever did this might want to use the 'talent compensation' filter next time.

Prepare For Down Count

I don't have much time, so I'll be quick.

Fasten your belt seats, wussies. Supersonik, is all up in that ass. This reminds me somewhat of AutoBahn from Big Lebowski.



This link is courtesy of our friends at Transbuddha.com
werd y'all.

The Deck® Party Propaganda

Again, in case you missed it. Click here for your invitation to the Deck® Party, August 14th presented by The North End™ and The House of Julio® Resort and Casino. If you're still on the fence as to whether or not you want to go, click here to see who has already signed their life away to The North End™ and commited their bodies to us. By the way the two gentlemen in that picture are Joe Shum and Brian Potts in a rare candid moment from last weekend.

Also, I was informed this last Sunday that The North End™ uses a lot of nicknames for it's cast. I guess this makes things confusing for some that may not know everyone that well. I want to address this problem first by saying, "Underwood, you are a pain in the ass." Yet, you have a point. How can we expect to ever be Famous® if we all have 77 aliases. So, I will address this problem by creating a profile page for those that ain't up on thangs. Happy now?

I want to say hello to Summer Talbert. Summer apparently doesn't take me seriously when I say that I could out-design any English speaking designer in Florida. Which is good for me because that is like five dudes and this one girl that is alright, but she's not really into it. Her reaction came when I told that the folks at NASCAR needed a new site from me because their current site is pretty Durst. Also, hello to Scotty Hankins, who informed me that he will be attending the Deck® party with shorn testicles and that Wembley was his favorite Fraggle. MJ23 says Rumple Fraggle. People, obviously you are forgeting Boober, y'all. Boober was the fraggle with the pimp hat that was always paranoid. Paranoid or not, he was overstocked on the pimp juice. Get your head right, crazies.

cheers.

Backhand Boy

For the latest fashion tips I always turn to Paris Hilton to stay on the razor's edge of what's hip. Unfortunately, what's hot for fall is a busted lip and a shiner. You guessed it, her former boyfriend Nick Carter (former Backstreet Boy, remember the young gay looking one? Okay, the youngest one?) has a bit of a anger control problem when it comes to his women. Paris has told her friends that her busted grill was courtesy of Nicky Knuckles. He says that their relationship was based on distrust, I say then fucking punch a wall, rockstar. What is it with these guys? Let's be all tough and kick the shit out of our girlfriends then blame it on something like drugs or alcohol. Because if we blame it on that, everyone will feel all sorry and forget the fact that we basically worthless scurbs that are pissed because our fifteen minutes are up. Man, I sound bitter. Why? Because I am.

Gotta put in werk.

Yesh-a-mesh.

Weekend Stats -7.30.04 to 8.01.04

Happy August, you knobs. Christ, with the Deck® Party right around the corner, Football season starting, this month could get ugly. Just look how it started out.

Total Bat Tab: Unknown for sure, but me thinks it was bad.
Choad Sightings: 0, I saw Jimmy and Gina which means the Choad wasn't available
Stuntman Stunts: 0
Shum sightings: 1
The Trotta Drunk-o-Meter: 8 (No johnson, but being out by midnight adds at least a point)
NCAA 2005 Official Record versus The Stuntman: 1-0
NCAA 2005 Unofficial Record versus The Stuntman: 2-0
Number of times the phrase, "This could be a bad idea," was uttered: 10
Number of times it was a bad idea: 2

Two words, Gin and Sin. Good song (John Morgan), bad idea.